In Support of Life

I began working with people with AIDS in mid-1985, volunteer ring massage therapy through a local AIDS health service organization. I provided the service at no cost on the condition that the client come tome. My limit was two hours per week, first come, first served. I worked at that time with seven actively sick clients. By the time I became a Rolfer in mid-1986, all seven had died.

I continued to volunteer massage therapy as a Rolfer. While I did not consciously decide to Rolf these clients, I found myself Rolfing in small amounts during a purported massage. I had assumed the Rolfing would be too strenuous for People With AIDS (PWA’s), and in some cases, it is. But the reaction from these clients to this modicum of Rolfing was positive and enthusiastic. The results were equally encouraging.

When I work with a person who is so sick that simply lying comfort-ably on a table presents a challenge, I don’t expect or desire great changes in the structure. My aim in working PWA’s and People with AIDS Related Complex (PWARC)is to help them attain the most comfort and wellness of being as is possible. Often my goal is to provide human contact and a comforting touch, two things too often lacking the life of a PWA.

Flexibility is the key for me when working with PWA’s or PWARC’s. Individuals who have active symptoms require more passive work, perhaps even gentle, light massage. On the other hand, PWARC’s who are in relatively good health will readily adapt and benefit from straight-forward Rolfing.

I have been enlightened by the task of working with people who have AIDS. I have worked with tissue so frail and weakened that one would expect it to be useless, yet an unmistakable life force keeps it operational, though constantly struggling. I worked with people who had so little tissue left that the work could hardly be called Rolfing or even massage, yet work it was.

For several weeks before he I died, I worked with Kenny who had AIDS. As the weeks passed, I watched his life and strength slip away. His tissue seemed to melt in my hands, until, at last, I had virtually nothing to work with. I felt angry watching Kenny’s will fade. When his weight dropped to eighty pounds, I felt frustrated and hopeless. Finally, the time came when I knew I would not see Kenny again. Looking into his eyes, I saw the fight was over, and I felt only sadness.

I do not think Kenny ever gave up. I believe he had come to welcome the chance to rest and be at peace after a long and painful battle to stay alive. I respect Kenny for his acceptance of this, for choosing peace over struggle. I am grateful to him for giving new meaning for me to the phrase “quality of life”.

I have seen many changes since I began working with PWA’s one of the most dramatic and encouraging developments has been the number of people I now know who have AIDS and continue to live rather than prepare to die. This essential distinction was evidenced recently while working with a woman who was in fairly good health. The Rolfing was going well, and she seemed physically better all the time. She suddenly took a turn for the worse and shortly there after made an unsuccessful suicide attempt. I was angry until I learned that she had planned her suicide and was only waiting until she got very sick to execute the plan. Then I felt angry and used.

I was angry because I had donated my time and energy in support of life and health. I felt undermined by a secret which held certain doom. I had hope, even if she didn’t. Who can know the final out-come?

My anger has lessened now. I have more understanding of her position since we’ve talked. Maybe we will start Rolfing again soon; maybe not. I am not sure if I am willing to work with her again. I don’t have final resolution. Maybe there will be no resolution; but for now, her health is back and so is my compassion.

Through the good and the bad, when I think of all the people I?ve worked with, I recall the simplicity of making contact with another. As we laughed and talked, I learned about humility, appreciation and perception. The feelings of helplessness are eclipsed by the joy of sharing delights in small things. The intimacy of our one-to-one exchange made their lives a little easier, my life more profound, and all our lives richer.

Dena Roberts is a Certified Rolfer in Austin, Texas USA.In Support of Life